Untreated ADHD in Adult Relationships
It can be difficult to be in an ongoing relationship or marriage with someone who has ADHD. It's especially difficult when the non ADHD partner feels that they must constantly check in on their spouse and micromanage them to ensure that they are on the top of things.
If this pattern continues it is very easy for resentment from both sides to increase. Understanding how untreated ADHD affects relationships is the key to changing this destructive dynamics.
Over-helping
Couples can be faced with significant difficulties due to ADHD symptoms like confusion and forgetfulness. It can be challenging to deal with these issues and cause tension. Partners who are not ADHD tend to take on the majority of household chores or try to assist their ADHD partner with their daily tasks. But these strategies could backfire.
In the long run, they can cause resentment and end the relationship. Rather than nagging, it's important to discuss and develop strategies to help those with ADHD manage their obligations. Treatment can also increase the effectiveness of organizing tools and strategies.
For instance, sticking sticky notes on the mirror with chores for the day or reminders on a phone can be helpful in keeping on top of tasks. Similarly, labeling drawers and cabinets will make it easier to find the items you need. Getting organized will help reduce stress, minimize frustration, and keep everyone on task.
A gap between sexual expectations and reality is another frequent issue. ADHD can impact an individual's ability to engage in compulsive sex, and it can affect their level of intimacy and satisfaction with the relationship overall.
Certain people with ADHD might have a low sexual drive, and find sexual activities boring, unsatisfying or even boring. Others can become distracted or bored when having sexual relations. untreated adhd in adults relationships that focus on communication and skill training can help address these issues.
Couples suffering from untreated ADHD seek counseling, they're usually in a dire situation. They've tried to solve their issues in every way possible but are left feeling hopeless. Many couples are able to overcome their struggles with the right kind of support.
By addressing their challenges with ADHD couples can resume their roles as adults and nurture a healthy and loving relationship. The first step is to seek an evaluation and treatment. Identifying ADHD can give couples renewed hope for their relationship, and research suggests that 70% of adults who suffer from ADHD will benefit from treatment that offers significant improvement in their symptoms (1). Couples can learn to manage their ADHD symptoms by taking medication, psychotherapy and skills training. They may also consider seeking family or couples therapy.
Learned helplessness
People with ADHD tend to feel overwhelmed by the many things they can't control. These feelings can result in learned helplessness, a term that's been created from a series of psychological experiments that Martin Seligman did in the 1960s. He exposed dogs with electric shocks and discovered that they stopped trying to escape when they realized their suffering was beyond their control. This led them to believe they were powerless to change their circumstances, and that they wouldn't be able to do so in the future.
It's difficult to overcome a sense of hopelessness and learned helplessness. It's important to distinguish the difference between these two: hopelessness is a feeling that no one will help you, whereas helplessness is the belief that no matter the effort you make there is no way to help. If you struggle with both, you will struggle to move forward.
You can reverse the negative effects of learned helplessness if you or someone you care about struggle with it. You can start by changing the way you think about your life and the challenges it brings. Instead of thinking that your issues are impossible to overcome, focus on the small steps that can help improve your situation. Therapy is also a great way to improve your outlook. A licensed psychotherapist will help you learn techniques that can help break the cycle of powerlessness.
It's important to remember that your partner's opinions and priorities are just as valid as yours. If you feel that your ADHD partner is being too responsible or is nagging you to complete tasks, consider discussing the issue with them. It could be that they aren't certain of their role should be in the relationship. A clear discussion of what is expected of them can help alleviate tension and avoid conflict.
While nagging may be effective in the near term, it is not sustainable for the long run. A licensed therapist can help you identify the root cause of your issues and come up with solutions that last over time.
Distractions
Untreated ADHD can cause someone to be easily distracted. They might not remember to attend appointments or run errands or they may skip important conversations with family members. These errors aren't necessarily intentional however they can result in frustration for both partners. The act of forgetting to complete a task can lead to issues at work. One person might forget to meet the deadline or fill out prescriptions. This can lead to higher levels of cortisol, which could increase health issues like obesity or heart disease.
If people suffering from ADHD struggle to control their emotions, they could lash out at their partner or withdraw. These impulsive reactions can damage a relationship. They can also cause stress and anger, which makes it hard to focus on tasks.
It is crucial to have a clear and concise discussion about the responsibilities of relationships. It is also useful to discuss the ways in which ADHD symptoms can impact the performance of an individual and how you could help them manage their duties. It is not advisable to criticize or harass the person suffering from ADHD. This can create an unfriendly relationship between the parent and child, which can make the person feel ashamed.
Adults with ADHD who aren't treated tend to develop unhealthy lifestyles. They might eat poorly, miss workouts and sleep insufficiently. These behaviors can cause their ADHD symptoms and cause more health issues. These behaviors can also increase the chance of accidents, such as car accidents or falls. People who aren't treated for ADHD are more likely to become disoriented of their medication and fail to take doses, which could have grave consequences for their health.
Certain medications used to treat ADHD could reduce a person's sexual drive, which could lead to a breakup in relationships. People suffering from ADHD may also make unwise decisions that could be risky. For instance, they could gamble or make unwise financial investments.
To avoid these problems, it is best to seek out professional advice from a specialist. A good therapist will be able to comprehend both your ADHD symptoms and their impact on your relationship. The therapist can also recommend specific strategies for managing your issues in the relationship and helping you reach your full potential.
Conflict
The chaos of ADHD can cause couples to feel disconnected, and it often takes an extended time to find the right solution. In the time, the couple might experience a host of conflicting emotions, such as anger and frustration. These intense feelings are difficult to handle, and can result in anger and bitterness. The relationship could end in a stalemate in the event that the problem isn't resolved.
The issue of over-helping is common in relationships where the person with ADHD has to take on too many duties. They may resent that their ADHD spouse isn't able to follow through on basic tasks, and may be able to do too much work to compensate. This can create a vicious cycle that can be very damaging to a relationship.
The non-ADHD spouse begins to feel like they're assuming the responsibility of the whole household and their job, which leaves them feeling exhausted and angry. The ADHD partner on the other hand, becomes increasingly frustrated as they find it difficult to complete their own tasks and feels like their partner does not value their efforts. This could be a dangerous situation for both parties, since they may begin to question their relationship if the situation isn't resolved quickly.
These types of situations are often caused by issues that have been left unanswered for a long time. Counselors can be a great help in helping couples to overcome these problems. The counselor can help both partners learn healthy coping techniques and assist them in understanding the impact ADHD can have on their partner. They can also instruct the partners how to communicate better, and how to avoid "parenting" each other.
If your spouse or loved one has ADHD Make sure they receive treatment if they don't have it already. This will improve their quality of life and stop their symptoms from damaging their relationship. If they don't want to seek treatment, it's still a good idea to look into seeking counselling on your own. A therapist can assist you to understand your spouse's condition and teach you how to deal with it in a healthy manner. They can also help restore the balance of power within your relationship.